I'm Never Ready!

Well, I received a scathing email from my father yesterday wanting to know, and I quote, “Where is it? I was looking forward to an informative and humorous blog to go with my coffee and sweet roll this morning. But there is nothing there but old news and how many times can you read that stuff? I know it is Monday, and you are probably brain dead but surely you can come up with something exciting that happened to you this weekend. So suck it up and get with the program.” Wow, Little Daddy (that’s what we call him), calm down. That is probably the most strongly worded thing he has ever said to me. He is usually quite calm with the exception of his theological rants, so father…your wish is my command.

Saturday was quite a long day for me. I had stayed up until 1:30 am on Friday night, and then sat through an entire day of grad school class…8am-4pm. That night I was pretty pooped, and that is when Travis pounced!! We walked into the house from a brief trip to the mall, and immediately the assault began. “turn it off…turn it off!!!” he’s yelling and pushing me….but before you call social services to report a domestic dispute, let me explain. We have an alarm system so that I will feel safer when Travis is out of town. Well, our system has 2 codes, the regular code, and a PANIC CODE! The panic code was installed in the event that I was forced into the house by an intruder, I could punch in this alternate code and the security company would know that something was wrong and to come quickly. Well, I knew I would never be able to remember it if I didn’t practice, so I suggested that Travis pretend to be an attacker every once in a while to keep me on my toes and give me some practice pretending to punch in the panic code. I am still convinced that this was a good idea. What good is a panic code if I forget to push it if, heaven forbid, I ever need to. I remember Oprah doing a show on self-defense classes, so that inspired this idea. I think Oprah would be proud. I should write to her and tell her about our training…she might ask me to be on the show! I’m going to get right on that. Well, the first time he pretended to attack, I almost had a heart attack, and I gave him a thorough beating afterwards! So, Saturday, after my long, long day, Travis decides that this is a perfect opportunity to test my crisis skills. I think he kind of enjoys it, and he is very convincing….after all, he was voted best actor two years in a row for his performances in the USJ musicals. I know... I’m a lucky girl to have married the Music Man! I suggested these drills, so it’s my fault that I get scared out of my mind about once a month…but I have decided that Travis is in danger if he doesn’t practice the panic code too. So, Travis…this is my warning to you…you must beware…because when you least expect it, your training will begin! Oh, and congratulations Kurt and Marty Cooper on the purchase of your first house! Marty informed me that they have an alarm, so upon Marty’s request, I’m sending Travis down to Tupelo to train Kurt in the art of Panic Code preparation.