Feeding at the Trough

I almost went in to the Men's bathroom again today!! What is my deal? And I must say that fear coursed through my body in a way one only experiences in a near death experience! Geez.... Laurette, it's not that big a deal, but it certainly would have been traumatic. I remember accidentally following my dad into the men's room when I was knee high to a grasshopper. Traumatic then...traumatic now! That reminded me of an incident that happened a couple of weeks ago at the "Trough" as I like to call it. I was at Ryan's Steak House...this place really disgusts me. I think it's the miles and miles of cafeteria food. It's just way too much food! Who needs that much? Not all buffets summon an urge to projectile vomit, but Ryan's seems to have that effect on me. I was there against my will. I'm sure you are asking yourself why on earth was I there if I hate it so much. It was a church thing, so I had to go. I really think the last time I was at Ryan's was sometime during my sixteenth year. I had to go with my parents' friends and their Russian exchange student. Welcome to America...leg or thigh?


Not only am I disgusted by the preparation (fried, smothered in butter and gravy, and refried). but I am disgusted by the amount. I think I already said that. We Americans are truly a people of indulgence. So, as I was leaving Ryan's, I felt the need to wash the glistening grease off my hands.... no need to take a souvenir of the event. I walked into what I thought was the women's bathroom. As I was standing at the sink scrubbing away, a rather scrawny fellow walked in….must not be a regular. We were both shocked. "Oh, whoa, I'm sorry," the scrawny fellow said exiting the bathroom. Then he walked back in and said, "baby, you in the wrong bathroom." Cue mortification…is that a word? Have I lost my ability to read? I vividly remember looking at the door before I walked in. I thought I saw a silhouette of a dress?
I'm sure the grease from my feeding at the trough must have impaired my vision. I apologize to all the Ryan's fanatics that read this blog. Please continue to eat and be merry. You have my blessing; just don't ask me to join you.